Today on NPR Marissa Moss shared her perspective on the time leading up to the death of her husband after his ALS diagnosis. It is an interesting point of view. We think of how we might want to have plugs pulled if we were a vegetable, but what about leading up to death? Take a moment to read this perspective and see if it gives you something more to think about.
https://ww2.kqed.org/perspectives/2017/05/29/choosing-a-good-death/
There are many reasons why couples choose not to marry. While it is a couples’ choice whether to marry are not, there are laws that favor a couple that is married, particularly when dealing with death. There are default laws that protect a surviving spouse in the event of death. But a life partner would not be included without some kind of estate plan. If someone dies without a will or trust, they are said to have died intestate. Each state has different laws regarding division of the deceased person’s property under the laws of intestacy. The laws are just default laws and can be circumvented by having a will, trust, or some other form for transferring of assets.
These default laws assume that people want to benefit their surviving spouse and children. Therefore even without any will or trust in place, if a married person dies intestate, their assets will naturally go to their surviving spouse. If they are not married, and have no will or trust, the assets are distributed by the laws of intestacy, which would mean their biological and/or adopted children, and if none, parents of the deceased, etc. The unmarried partner would have no right to collect because there is nothing under the law that dictates that deceased had a reason to want their assets to go to that person over the deceased’s family.
How does this affect an unmarried couple? What can they do to make sure to take care of their loved one without having to get married? Courts have found that when there are agreements in place between a couple to pool their resources and share in the property accumulated during the relationship, that there are some property rights of the partner. These agreements can be express, written or oral, or implied, interpreted through the couple’s actions. An implied agreement is not as strong as something in writing. These agreements have limited results that will most likely require a lawyer to help the surviving partner to collect upon the death of the other partner, if there is no will or trust.
“Unmarried cohabiting couples who seek greater certainty should define their own property rights with respect to each other in a more formal, written, cohabitation agreement. This type of agreement defines property rights between the cohabitants, any potential support rights, and any inheritance rights.”i If your intention is to stay unmarried, for whatever reason, a cohabitation agreement would be a good plan. Depending upon the complication of your family situation, i.e., blended family, seeking a lawyer’s help with drafting this agreement could help to protect what you as a couple would like to happen.
An estate plan (will/trust, power of attorney, advanced health care directive), will also help when you are an unmarried couple. These documents are your way of letting the world know what you would like in the event you are either unable to make decisions due to incapacity, or death. Again, if you have a blended family, or other difficult family dynamics, seeking an attorney’s assistance with the preparation of these documents can be extremely beneficial. It is very difficult for a surviving partner to be grieving and have a family member of the deceased trying to kick them out of the house that was shared with the deceased for decades.
iNicole M. Pearl, Esq., Avoiding the Knot: Estate Planning for Unmarried Couples, California Trust and Estate Quarterly, Vol. 23, Issue 1, p. 21.
Recently, Money posted an article with video regarding what you should consider in your estate planning. Every state has default laws in place to help with dividing up your property if you do not have a will saying how you want it to done. If you want something different from what the state's defaults laws are, you should have a will, trust, or other plan in place.
The same applies for decisions to be made on your behalf when you are unable to make them. Not already having something in place (like a power of attorney, or an advanced health care directive) means that someone will need to get permission to act through the court since you will not be able to give permission at the time.
While it is possible to get good results without an estate plan, it might waste time and money.
http://time.com/money/4300166/checklist-estate-planning-documents/
Estate planning is not just about what happens when you pass away. It's also about planning for when you can not live your life. How do you pay your bills? Many people now pay their bills online or on their phone. If you were unable to get online or your phone because you were incapacitated, is there someone else who knows how to access your email, bank accounts, etc? Is there someone who would even know what bills you need to pay? I'm not advocating you start giving your family and friends access to everything. But start thinking about who you trust to give access.
You need a plan in place of how would someone know what bills you pay. I pay a lot of my bills using the Bill Pay option through my bank, but I pay my student loans differently. One notice goes to one email, and another to a different email. It is important to me that my student loans are paid or that someone contacts them that I can't pay while I'm in a coma, so I need to make a plan so that someone would have that information available.
If you are the bill paying person in your relationship, it would be a good idea that your partner at least knows what you do so that if you were unable, they could step in until you were able to again.
Take the next month and note when you pay your bills, and how you pay them. Think about who you trust to give them access to this information. A good idea would be if you are not in a committed relationship with the person to just give them access to where the information would be if the need arose, instead of straight out giving them access.
As an estate planner, I am concerned with making sure someone's finances and property are in order, but there is more to planning than that. Part of planning for death, is living your life. How we each deal with the fact that some day we will die defines how we choose to live this life. Candy Chang gave a beautiful TED Talk, "Before I die I want to..." and she shares what she did to come to terms with the death of someone she loved very much and by so doing brought the community together more.
In the spirit of Candy Chang's TED Talk, finish this sentence, Before I die I want to....
You can designate someone as your account trustee on Google. You can control what they have access to, and when they have access to it. It's called "Inactive Account Manager." I set mine to Google's recommended default, which is after 1 month of my not logging in, they contact me. After 3 months of inactivity, they contact my account trustee (and you can name more than one), and give them access to whatever I gave them access. You also can prepare a message that will go out to them at that time.
I highly recommend using this tool because it is very hard to get access to a Google account after death. Follow the link below and set yours up today.
https://support.google.com/accounts/answer/3036546?hl=en
Facebook has tools designed so you can designate someone to manager your account after your passing. This has very limited options, but it does mean that they can manage your memorial page after you pass. They will not have the ability to do everything that you could do, and they will not be able to go through old messages, that you have with other people.
Follow the link to see how to set up your legacy person today. This is part of estate planning.
https://www.facebook.com/help/1568013990080948?ref=shareable
